I’m so deeply sorry for the loss of your dad. You can always chat me in private if you’d like to talk about it. Finding solace in psychedelics can be extremely helpful OR very debilitating. You have to be very, very careful. My suggestion would be to seek actual psychotherapy before trying to trip again, just so you work out your grief in a positive way. I have heard many good things about ayahuasca retreats, but mainly for addiction treatment, relationship problems, and inner turmoil. I’m not sure if it would be the best option for your tender soul. Again, if you first seek psychotherapy and sort out your emotions, you will have a better and more successful trip that will tie up your loose ends. For this, I recommend mushrooms of course. You need to find a kind hearted and trustworthy dealer to get your shrooms from, so that they understand your needs and provide you with the best possible mushrooms for your experience.
Again, please please inbox me in private if you’d like to talk more about this. Much love to you and your family